may 17th 2010 (I am 33)

I have not learned my lessons
In thrirty three years I have not learned ...

to casually pass green fields in spring without shrieking with insane joy at the sight. I want to roll myself up in a it like a giant blanket.

I haven't learned to stop collecting leaves in the fall while I"m walking. I know I have no where to put them all but I pick them up anyway. I feel it is extremely important to find the very best one every time, but every one is the very best and I almost want to cry about it

I haven't learned how to say what I want. Or what I need when I'm supposed to say it

I haven't learned how to pass up a donut.

I haven't learned how to not be in love with love

I haven't learned to stop believing in magic. I tried. I tried really really hard. But I realize now, I still want to believe,as much as I hate to admit it.

I haven't learned how to tolerate chalk.

I haven't learned how to properly accept a compliment

I haven't learned how to not cry at the wrong time with the wrong person

I haven't learned how to focus on one thing at a time

I haven't learned how to be a good wife , or a good mom

I haven't learned how to be organized

I haven't learned how to make all the things I want to do happen

I haven't learned how to accept the way I look

I haven't learned to swim properly

I haven't learned how to cook tofu

I haven't learned how to stop being afraid

I haven't learned how to be me ,
and me, at the same time.