regarding the potatoes

once when i was little we were sitting around the dinner table, mom had made something that you'd put ketchup on (I don't remember what)and there were also some fried potatoes on my plate and without thinking i poured ketchup on them. I started to cry because i hadn't meant to do it, I didn't eat ketchup on my potatoes and i thought i had ruined my dinner AND wasted food. my dad quickly took my portion declaring that he actually liked ketchup on his potatoes so he didn't mind at all. I cried a lot, because i was grateful, but i was also not sure if he really DID like ketchup, or if he was just sacrificing on my behalf. I felt guilty all through dinner and then some. Dear 7 year old self, dad really does like ketchup on fried potatoes so you didn't have to worry. love, me.

way to go joe

my driver's ed instructor was named Joe. somehow he managed to make everyone like him a lot. we all felt like we were the exception to all the other kids he taught. he was funny. he and his wife had 14 kids. and on the day we were to learn how to change a tire it rained so we never learned. i still can't change a tire. way to go Joe.

bullies

today, at a school playground i watched 5 boys bully another boy. they were all between 12 and 13 years old. the victim was riding his bike in circles on the pavement of the playground and the other boys gathered near to shout insults at him. the boy just kept riding his bike, ignoring them. But the insults got worse and the boys got braver and braver...kicking at his tires trying to knock him off, yelling at him..gesturing.. it was like watching wild kingdom and the boy on the bike was a gazelle and the other boys were lions circling around him..closer...and closer finally i thought they were actually backing off, but to my horror they were spreading out and hiding in wait for him . I started to become really concerned that they were actually going to physically attack this kid. when he got near enough to me I called him over and said " are they bothering you?" and this kid, 12 years old couldn't even look me in the eye because he was about to cry, he just nodded. I told him he needed to tell his parents about this. that they needed to know WHO these kids were.I also suggested that if he's outnumbered and there are no adults he needed to get out of there (in the future) he nodded...unable to look at me or answer me.. so heartbreaking. " bullies are liars. people who say mean things act that way because they feel bad about themselves. don't listen to them. don't believe it. it's not true." I said. is that true? ARE bullies miserable? maybe they actually love themselves. maybe they have crazy amounts of confidence and they love being them. how would i know? but it seemed like the right thing to say at the time. i kept one eye on the bullies as they waited for their next chance at him, and one eye on my own kids. the last straw was when I saw them crouched down behind a hill getting ready to pounce. I walked straight at them - they saw me coming and started to walk away. I yelled after them " YOU GUYS NEED TO GO HOME. NOW! GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I CALL EVERY ONE OF YOUR PARENTS! I MEAN IT!" " ok ok.." i heard them muttering as they started to walk away. they didn't leave. they just waited at a safe distance. When I started to leave with my kids they were walking back over. I intercepted them on the sidewalk and looked right at Big Bully #1's pimpled face. " Listen" I said - " you don't treat a friend like that-" friend?" the kid scoffed . "- friend or ANY person " I continued " one day someone's going to treat you like a piece of shit and you will remember this day. you hear me? don't do it. don't start bullying now. Be better than that. DO BETTER" the kids were trying to pretend they hadn't done anything and I said " i. heard. you. I heard ALL of you. " they left. I have no idea what I should have done. Probably not have said " shit" to a group of 12 year olds. I just couldn't stand it. You hope all that bully talk at school and all the public service announcements are an exaggeration. You think it doesn't REALLY happen. And then you see this. right in front of an adult. 5 against 1. it's every mommy's worst nightmare. kids are so cruel. how do they become that way? we got in the car and my kids were just staring at me with big eyes. I said " we stand up for kids when they are being bullied. ALWAYS. The end!"