do what needs to be done

"...I want first of all - in fact, as an end to these other desires - to be at peace with myself. I want a singleness of eye, a purity of intention, a central cor to my life that will enable me to carry out these obligations and activities as well as I can. I want, in fact - to borrow from the language of the saints -to live 'in grace' as much of the time as possible. I am not using this term in a strictly theological sense. By grace I mean an inner harmony, essentially spiritual, which can be translated into outward harmony..."
— Anne Morrow Lindbergh

remember that one time I freaked out and tried to kill a room all by myself? well I started with the floor...

so I went a little insane and ripped out the carpet like a wild sweaty monster
but it looked like this:

so I scraped and scraped until I couldn't feel my hands but it still looked like this:

so I bought some adhesive remover and scrubbed like a maniac
and then I took too much of the finish off, so of course I had to put more stain on.
so it's not perfect. it's still not super even. BUT
I like it.
it's clean. it's smooth. it has character. and most of all-
it is not carpet filled with plaster dust. WIN!

some things happened

and I've had it. I've just HAD IT.

the room upstairs that Malachi's swing hangs in is very old crumbly plaster. it was cracked when we moved here, but then with all the swinging this happened

And every day there is more and more little chunks of plaster and dust caked into the carpet.
one day I actually found the boys upstairs playing pretend WITH THE PLASTER PIECES! *sigh*
Jesse is convinced we can just patch it. um........
it is falling apart.
yes. putting swings in a bedroom that small where the kids feet can hit the wall might sound silly... Ok. really stupid. BUT! understand that swinging is critical to Malachi. He has found it regulates him and helps him process. he says " I need to think!!" and swings and it helps him. he swings several times a day and he can't always do it outside. So no. I don't regret hanging the swings up there.
but now here we are. plaster caked carpet and falling apart walls. And my husband wants NOTHING to do with this project.
nothing.

so ...some things happened which I won't get into......
and when I looked in the closet and saw this nice floor...

I just ..well..I think I blacked out because when I realized what was going on I already had half the carpet torn out.

and many hours later. hands bleeding and numb this is where I am at

please someone tell me if I can just scrub this off with some happy soft bubbles! yes?
perhaps I can dump some acid on there?

because literally
I can barely feel my hands as I type this.
people who glue carpet down should be tortured.

and I haven't even gotten to the sledgehammering the walls part!

I am now begging.
anyone?
...............
anyone?
............
............
..

remember that one time?

when I grew little babies in my belly?