Departing summer hath assumed
An aspect tenderly illumed,
The gentlest look of spring;
That calls from yonder leafy shade
Unfaded, yet prepared to fade,
A timely carolling.
- William Wordsworth, September
Monday, September 26, 2011
September is coming to a close
Departing summer hath assumed
An aspect tenderly illumed,
The gentlest look of spring;
That calls from yonder leafy shade
Unfaded, yet prepared to fade,
A timely carolling.
- William Wordsworth, September
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
*roar*
after two months of dry brushes
i have returned to say
" I am a woman"
I've gotten a lot of..."input" when I paint nudes. I find this curious. Why can we go to a museum and admire any number of paintings and sculptures of nudes , yet blush when I post a painting like this one? is it because people know me personally?
I'm always asked if my paintings are of myself . Some are intended to be self-portraits, others are not. It is true that my own body is the most familiar to me , the same body I have tried to escape from the time I was 11 years old. I think a lot of women feel this way. Never content with their curves or lack of curves. always comparing. never feeling comfortable in their own skin...
this month alone I have had three friends have to face cancer on one level or another. and it has me thinking about what it means to be a woman in this skin of ours.
there will always be people who see breasts or a backside and blush and giggle. and that's fine I guess. but if that's all you see you are missing the point.
i have returned to say
" I am a woman"
I've gotten a lot of..."input" when I paint nudes. I find this curious. Why can we go to a museum and admire any number of paintings and sculptures of nudes , yet blush when I post a painting like this one? is it because people know me personally?
I'm always asked if my paintings are of myself . Some are intended to be self-portraits, others are not. It is true that my own body is the most familiar to me , the same body I have tried to escape from the time I was 11 years old. I think a lot of women feel this way. Never content with their curves or lack of curves. always comparing. never feeling comfortable in their own skin...
this month alone I have had three friends have to face cancer on one level or another. and it has me thinking about what it means to be a woman in this skin of ours.
there will always be people who see breasts or a backside and blush and giggle. and that's fine I guess. but if that's all you see you are missing the point.
not it
i am not super mom.
i don't know what to do
i feel my life stretched out before me and the autism road is a long one and never gets easier. we only change lanes.
i have no idea what i'm doing.
today my world is very small
just me and them and that's all we are going to do
that's it.
i don't know what to do
i feel my life stretched out before me and the autism road is a long one and never gets easier. we only change lanes.
i have no idea what i'm doing.
today my world is very small
just me and them and that's all we are going to do
that's it.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
memory
........i was remembering the feeling of being pulled through the water..........my long hair dragging in the waves behind me
the feeling of being heavy and light at the same time.....
the feeling of being heavy and light at the same time.....
Monday, September 5, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
i like olives
i like olives. i do not like licorice. I find that I am often friends with non-loving olive people and licorice-liking people. do I do it on purpose? is it a personality-type?
Thursday, September 1, 2011
july 7th 2007 ~ on losing my mother in law to cancer and battling my son's autism
there are days when i ask how ....
when i ask how God could have mistaken me for some sort of warrior.. someone who has it together who will lead who will stand up who will not become daunted
i am just so tired
i am just so angry
i want to choose option "D" - only to find...
it's not available
not a an option
for me
eventually the sun comes out and i wake up and see the green things poking out of the ground
i think of you
i think about how you took the earth and made beautiful things out of it
i think about how you just took what you were given even when it was so bitter
and in spite of all that you believed in me
when I didn't
you're words still carry me
can i tell you that? can someone whisper it in your ear?
can someone please tell you that i am not forgetting
i am taking what you gave me
i won't sleep forever
i will wake with the sun and go back out and fight
for him
for you
when i ask how God could have mistaken me for some sort of warrior.. someone who has it together who will lead who will stand up who will not become daunted
i am just so tired
i am just so angry
i want to choose option "D" - only to find...
it's not available
not a an option
for me
eventually the sun comes out and i wake up and see the green things poking out of the ground
i think of you
i think about how you took the earth and made beautiful things out of it
i think about how you just took what you were given even when it was so bitter
and in spite of all that you believed in me
when I didn't
you're words still carry me
can i tell you that? can someone whisper it in your ear?
can someone please tell you that i am not forgetting
i am taking what you gave me
i won't sleep forever
i will wake with the sun and go back out and fight
for him
for you
June 4th 2008~ Autism
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 4, 2008
rise & fall
"what hurts?...show me what hurts"
how many times I- as the mommy ask my crying boy this question?
(maybe - if he can tell me- I can fix it)
this morning that question floats through my own self.
"what hurts?..show me what hurts?"
but I don't know how to answer
It just does and I don't know why
It hits me like a wave and I can only push up and down through it to keep breathing
There is no time to find out why or where it came from
maybe I can tell you later, when the waves stop
will they ever stop?
rise & fall
"what hurts?...show me what hurts"
how many times I- as the mommy ask my crying boy this question?
(maybe - if he can tell me- I can fix it)
this morning that question floats through my own self.
"what hurts?..show me what hurts?"
but I don't know how to answer
It just does and I don't know why
It hits me like a wave and I can only push up and down through it to keep breathing
There is no time to find out why or where it came from
maybe I can tell you later, when the waves stop
will they ever stop?
8-28-10 good things
periwinkle
the moment when you first realize you can smell autumn
new paint brushes
the first bite of pie ( that little triangle tip)
laying very still on the slant of a hill and imagining everything around you tipping, you staying one with the ground
the sound of a football game
the shapes of all the spaces between leaves and branches
light:
1 hour before the sun sets in the summer
early in the morning during the spring
right before it will storm
watching people in activity and thought when they are not aware of your eyes on them
finding the perfect song
and listening over
and over again
swings.
being in love
mail
my uncle's porch
a beautiful memory that only you and one other person share
floating
laughing with someone that knows you so much that you didn't even have to voice the thing you are both laughing about
being known
wind chimes
belonging
smelling pine needles
blowing dandelion wishes
holding hands
pockets in dresses
aprons
paint on my fingers and arms..and face......and in my hair
being naked
dancing
singing when I'm alone
words
bottom lips
how things look when they are falling
red shoes
surprises
secrets
1/3 of the way into a painting
lines
sex
the way melted chocolate turns and folds over itself as it pours into a bowl
christmas lights when seen through teary eyes
the sound of horse hooves
1st kisses
when words sound like what they mean
you
how the woods can be dark inside even when it's daytime
hope
spreading frosting
fingers in the water while riding in a moving boat
letting wind mess up your hair
high heels
the eyes of someone you love the second they recognize you
the moment when you first realize you can smell autumn
new paint brushes
the first bite of pie ( that little triangle tip)
laying very still on the slant of a hill and imagining everything around you tipping, you staying one with the ground
the sound of a football game
the shapes of all the spaces between leaves and branches
light:
1 hour before the sun sets in the summer
early in the morning during the spring
right before it will storm
watching people in activity and thought when they are not aware of your eyes on them
finding the perfect song
and listening over
and over again
swings.
being in love
my uncle's porch
a beautiful memory that only you and one other person share
floating
laughing with someone that knows you so much that you didn't even have to voice the thing you are both laughing about
being known
wind chimes
belonging
smelling pine needles
blowing dandelion wishes
holding hands
pockets in dresses
aprons
paint on my fingers and arms..and face......and in my hair
being naked
dancing
singing when I'm alone
words
bottom lips
how things look when they are falling
red shoes
surprises
secrets
1/3 of the way into a painting
lines
sex
the way melted chocolate turns and folds over itself as it pours into a bowl
christmas lights when seen through teary eyes
the sound of horse hooves
1st kisses
when words sound like what they mean
you
how the woods can be dark inside even when it's daytime
hope
spreading frosting
fingers in the water while riding in a moving boat
letting wind mess up your hair
high heels
the eyes of someone you love the second they recognize you
1-1-11 ~ a letter to my fantastic little brother
to my most awesome little brother
i'm not even sure when you grew up. i know i missed most of it. but suddenly here you are, and it seems like you did it all without any help from anyone
my favorite thing about you is your optimism . how committed you are to believing in something that you want to see happen.
to anyone that thinks you'll give up or change your mind...they just don't know you that well. I know that once you set your mind on something you will find a way to make it happen. I believe in you, and I know that if you really want to do this, make it work in LA and find work in the film industry you will.
I just hope you can stay strong , even when other people don't support you, or try to pressure you to take the easy way out.
If any of us seem to be pulling for you to stay here , or come back sooner than you'd like, remind yourself htat it isn't because we don't beive in you, i'ts only that we are selfish and want you around.
i hope it goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway- that if you do ever decide you don't like where you are, for any reason at all, it will not be a failure on your part, but rather another direction you're choosing to go. Be careful that you don't make decisions based on what other people will think, but base them on what is best for you and brittany and your dreams of what you want in this life
I'm really proud of who you are. I think you are amazing. Determined, optimistic dreamer . you've never lost the ability to be excited and I love that about you.
keep doing the best you can.
i love you to the moon and back
i'm not even sure when you grew up. i know i missed most of it. but suddenly here you are, and it seems like you did it all without any help from anyone
my favorite thing about you is your optimism . how committed you are to believing in something that you want to see happen.
to anyone that thinks you'll give up or change your mind...they just don't know you that well. I know that once you set your mind on something you will find a way to make it happen. I believe in you, and I know that if you really want to do this, make it work in LA and find work in the film industry you will.
I just hope you can stay strong , even when other people don't support you, or try to pressure you to take the easy way out.
If any of us seem to be pulling for you to stay here , or come back sooner than you'd like, remind yourself htat it isn't because we don't beive in you, i'ts only that we are selfish and want you around.
i hope it goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway- that if you do ever decide you don't like where you are, for any reason at all, it will not be a failure on your part, but rather another direction you're choosing to go. Be careful that you don't make decisions based on what other people will think, but base them on what is best for you and brittany and your dreams of what you want in this life
I'm really proud of who you are. I think you are amazing. Determined, optimistic dreamer . you've never lost the ability to be excited and I love that about you.
keep doing the best you can.
i love you to the moon and back
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