Thursday, September 1, 2011

july 7th 2007 ~ on losing my mother in law to cancer and battling my son's autism

there are days when i ask how ....
when i ask how God could have mistaken me for some sort of warrior.. someone who has it together who will lead who will stand up who will not become daunted
i am just so tired
i am just so angry
i want to choose option "D" - only to find...
it's not available
not a an option

for me
eventually the sun comes out and i wake up and see the green things poking out of the ground
i think of you
i think about how you took the earth and made beautiful things out of it
i think about how you just took what you were given even when it was so bitter
and in spite of all that you believed in me
when I didn't

you're words still carry me
can i tell you that? can someone whisper it in your ear?
can someone please tell you that i am not forgetting
i am taking what you gave me
i won't sleep forever
i will wake with the sun and go back out and fight
for him
for you


  1. sometimes i just look "up" (you know, kind of a vague half glance at the ceiling or the sky or whatever it is above my head) and say "God, can you pass on a message for me?" and then hope that my mom gets it. it makes me feel less lonely.