Wednesday, May 23, 2012
five minutes in cleveland
i can't imagine flying ever NOT feeling like I'm in a sci-fi movie. it just shouldn't actually be possible in real life . And airports are super weird. -side note- in case you're wondering free wifi is a thing of the past, so don't count on it. I kept trying to get on and checking random addresses that popped up..i finally gave up after I saw one called " the clapp". I know it's just an address, but I just couldn't bring myself to willingly choose The Clapp. It's also fun to people-watch. there are some serious weirdos at the airport. I saw one man wearing a velvet top hat. I told tara about it,assuming he was amish , but she said no way- God would never allow velvet, it's too extravagant. Extravagance= sin. And she said it with such confidence that I believe her. I borrowed a book from my sister to keep me distracted from the fact that I was about to shoot through the sky in a metal tube- and hopefully- not die in a ball of fire. I almost brought Shakespeare but opted for a comedian instead. it worked- however it worked tooo well and I busted out laughing out loud twice. No one thought it was funny. I never know the etiquette for airplanes when you're flying alone. Someone will no doubt come and sit next to you - and then what? part of me is hoping " please talk to me! I'm flying alone!" and as soon as they do I think " please don't talk to me! I'm flying alone!" it's tricky. So a woman sits next to me and she talks to me- out of obligation. Asks me where I'm going and then doesn't say a word after that. Instead she opened a giant chocolate lolipop and ate it. I think this is a strange choice for an airplane snack food. first of all, I didn't think anyone actually ate those. I thought they were just some " cute" thing some people handed out at their wedding but you didn't actually EAT Them. then again, I have very high chocolate standards. so she ate it. and I tried really hard not to look at her legs. They were orange. like - crayon-orange. it was very disturbing. I was hoping it was fake-tanner but I think she just actually really was THAT sun-damaged. I kept looking from her legs (orange) to mine (white) orange...white..orange..white...and then I started thinking about oompah-loompahs and that's a slippery slope. You know another bad airplane snack? BURRITOS. Someone actually brought a burrito on the plane. it was a very small plane, so in about 15 seconds the plane smelled exactly like the kitchen in taco bell. NOT good when you have a nervous stomach. Also not good for nervous stomach is when the plane is about the size of a matchbox car. When we started our decent the plane turned on it's side. I'm talking literally. My face was almost pressed against the window as I prayed that I would not throw up. Then we landed in cleveland ohio. I didn't really want to go to ohio but they have this weird thing where if you choose the flight that will take you to where you actually want to go they will charge you an insane amount. But if you choose a random state that you have actually no desire to go to they will cut you a break. So suddenly I'm in Ohio- well - as " in" it as you can be when you land and then take off again for someplace else. all I could think of was the boy who I had my first kiss with. He was from Ohio. He was really nice. He used to write me lots and lots of letters..until one day they stopped abruptly when his dad started working for the CIA and they had to move in the dead of night and cut off all contact with friends and family. (At least that is the only reasonable explanation I have every been able to come up with). Well Hello ! and Goodbye! Ohio! I almost threw up in you! but I toughed it out.