why do they only partially cut english muffins? is it some sort of life-lesson?

for some reason they always feel like a novelty to me. like " wait! we have ENGLISH MUFFINS!?? Oooooooooooooooooh!!!!"
I just don't understand why they want to trick me. You THINK they are cut, and you try to pry them apart, and it's all going fine until- OHhhhhhhhhhhhhh nuts. you rip the last bit and then you have one side that is too fat and the other side that looks like cookie monster took a big chomp out of it. you would think that i would learn and just make sure that middle part is cut with a knife before I start prying them apart. But I don't learn lessons very well. Ask my 3rd grade teacher. She got really frustrated with me and yelled a lot. Also she never worse skirts like the pretty teachers, only SLACKS and sweater vests and she had a very flat butt.(so the slacks were not very flattering) Also her eyes BULGED out of her head ( probably from all that yelling) and she should have swallowed more (lots of saliva build-up going on)
um..yes. anyway, she was mean. so I quit school. 3rd-grade drop-out. it got ugly...tried selling crackers with peanut butter and marshmallows on them from a stand outside our house...couldn't make ends meet. ended up on the street......
9 is a hard age...really hard.

but what's really bothering me? what was that damn teacher's last name??? did I block it out?? for the love of --

Lemke? I'm pretty sure it was Lemke. anyone else remember bug-eyes with the screamy voice from friendship learning center? lemke right?

*apologies to anyone that knows her in REAL life. i'm sure she's a very VERY VERY nice person who does NOT eat children for breakfast.

PS
" yelling in pants" would make a great band name. don't you think?