counseling

"I've been living with autism for 16 years, and it's hard, but there's always something we can DO , there's always a solution... THIS- depression- this I can't do anything about. I can't fix it."

- "and it's not fair."

" no. it's not fair, his life is already hard enough"

- " it shouldn't happen, but it does. co-existing diagnosis happen  ...Kids with autism get brain tumors, and it's like- What.the.fuck."




and that's when I knew I could talk to her. She gets it. she gets it because she understands autism intimately, and she knows that depression in an autistic person is different than it is for others. If you don't understand this, you can't help me.
Autism is a DOING thing, it's a problem-solving, brain-storming, puzzle-building, detective sort of thing. Depression isn't that. there is nothing I can DO, SOLVE, or FIX. I can't brainstorm out of this. I can't analyze it for him, I can't give him a remedy. Depression asks me to do nothing. it asks us to surrender, and just ride a wave. I somehow need to be both these supports at the same time- though they completely contradict each other.  



- " you've been fighting an enemy for a long long time, and suddenly, without warning, a completely new enemy blindsides you and starts attacking  from another angle, and the way you have been fighting for all these years does not work on this new enemy"


"yes."